I've been a little out of sorts lately, just kind of getting back into a routine. The last week was super busy, we weren't home till like 9 almost every night and that's been especially tough on my little one (Maria) and my big one (my hubby). Riley has an early morning schedule these days, which he hates because he's a night time fellow. So hopefully his hours will be changing soon for all of our sakes, (grumpy) sorry babe...wink, wink. So the main reason we've been so busy is because we bought a new/used truck on Tuesday night and we weren't done with paperwork till 9:30. It's a 2005 Nissan Titan, extended cab for a car seat. I love it!! It's my hubby's but I did most of the driving this weekend. Anyway, Maria was at my mom's and when we finally got done at the dealership she didn't want me to put her down. She kept saying "will you hold me mama, up me, up me!" Talk about guilt. And that's exactly what I want to discuss today, GUILT.
Why is it that as soon as we become mother's this guilt comes along with it? I'm so tired of questioning if I did a good job as a mama today. Sometimes on my drive home or right before falling to sleep I replay the day. I replay how I handled a situation with Maria, especially if she's being a typical terrible two's 2 year old, which I might add has become less and less over the last month or so. I feel guilty if I get her home late and we have to rush our bedtime routine. I feel guilty if I get her to school late because then she's like the last kiddo eating breakfast, I feel guilty for going to Zumba twice a week, I feel guilty for going to Weight Watcher's meetings on Sunday and I feel guilty for not keeping the house as clean as I should, I feel guilty for EVERYTHING!! Why is this, why do I make myself feel like crap for an otherwise job well done as a mama? Well I've sort of narrowed it down to this whole Super Mom complex and also growing up catholic...hehe just kidding about the Catholic comment. But seriously I think this Super Mom complex is the culprit.
We see mother's on TV doing everything just perfectly. They cook, clean, go to the gym, get their kids to school on time, they still manage to look gorgeous, all this while holding down a job. Mama's this is a falsehood, this is not what we're supposed to compare ourselves to, this is the problem. Society and media tells us we're supposed to do it all and do it all flawlessly. Nope not gonna happen, not in my house.
We can't let them win, me need to just keep doing the best we can and if we have happy, healthy, well adjusted kids, we're doing a great job as mama's.
Yesterday I told myself that I'm doing a great job as a mother if I can make my daughter laugh. Yes she's fed, she's clean, her hair is done up in pigtails everyday, I give her everything I can, everything of me. My time, my smiles, my hugs, my kisses, my love, and really what else does she need? She just needs me. I'm not perfect, I'm not super mom by society's standard, but to her I am super mom and that's the only standard I live by.
So today I'm not gonna feel guilty, today I'm just gonna do my best.
I can't be with her for 8+ hours of the day because I have to work, but of the hours I do have with my Maria tortilla, I will make them the most memorable and happy as I can.
No more guilt mama's, stop being self deprecating, stop judging yourself, just be the mama you know how to be.